To Ship The Impossible Ship
by karjens44
Summary: Sometimes happiness comes in a form we weren't expecting. This is pure Arizona X Leah. If you don't like this pairing, this story isn't for you. This is totally AU because I'm not naive. I just adore this pairing.
1. Chapter 1

To Ship the Impossible Ship

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy

Pairing: This is unashamedly Arizona/Leah –AU (If you don't like Lezona then this isn't the story for you.)

Rating: T (Language)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Grey's Anatomy whatsoever. This is for (hopefully) entertainment purposes only.

Summary: An AU version of what I wish had happened after Arizona kicked Leah out of her hotel. Sometimes the things we think we want don't end up making us happy and sometimes something that's broken can't be fixed.

Spoilers: Ep 10 x 9 and let's just say the last couple of episodes of season 9 and all of season 10 just to be safe.

Disclaimers: Please don't hate me. I realize this pairing is not popular, but I personally liked Leah and Arizona together. I knew from the beginning that Calzona would always be together and this relationship would never last but still I couldn't help myself. This is not written to insult or offend Calzona fans but simply as an appeasement to my preference of Arizona and Leah and hopefully to entertain those who also liked this ship.

Also, I have not watched a ton of Grey's Anatomy. I really only began to watch when Arizona and Leah first got together so I am well aware the characters will be out of character and I apologize for that. This is my first attempt at writing in this fandom. Again, no offense intended. Also I have no medical expertise so forgive any errors on that front as well. This is unbeta'd.

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PART 1

"Hey."

Leah jumped at the unexpected and most assuredly unwelcome voice coming from behind her. She took a deep breath and turned around hoping her expression was as indifferent as she tried to make it.

"Doctor Robbins," Leah greeted formally, struggling to ignore the way her traitorous heart fluttered helplessly at the beautiful woman watching her with a sad apologetic expression on her face.

Arizona sighed. "Leah, what are you doing?

"I'm beginning my shift," Leah replied and turned back to her locker and retrieved her white coat.

Arizona couldn't help but appreciate the graceful way the slender blonde slid into the plain coat. Even now she couldn't deny that Leah Murphy was a beautiful woman with an innocent seductiveness that she was certain Leah herself wasn't even aware of.

"I didn't mean that," Arizona replied quietly. "I meant the whole 'Doctor Robbins thing. And the avoiding me thing. I know you're upset about the other night and the way I sent you home and I'm sorry I was so mean. I was just…"

"Don't worry about it. I understand. Dr. Torres decided to take you back so you don't need me anymore. There was no point in sugar coating it."

Something about that sentence sat wrong with Arizona but she couldn't pinpoint just what it was. However it was Leah's demeanor that was more disturbing and she knew it wasn't just Leah's usual melodramatics.

"Maybe, but that doesn't make it right."

Leah turned around to face her tormentor, just wishing the woman would leave her alone before she found herself begging for another chance. "Okay then, I forgive you. Feel better?" she asked, unable to keep a hint of bitterness out of her voice, before walking out of the locker room.

"No," Arizona answered to the empty room. Sighing, she decided she'd have to give Leah time to get over her anger before she tried to talk to her again.

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Six weeks. It had been six weeks since Callie had surprised Arizona and invited her to come home. Six weeks since Arizona had coldly kicked Leah out of her bed so she could go back to her happy life with her wife and daughter. So why wasn't she happy?

Maybe it was the fact that while Callie made every effort to appear the loving wife, they still hadn't made love. Even after letting Arizona back into their bed, they'd shared nothing but occasional kisses and even then, Arizona could feel Callie holding back.

She honestly couldn't blame Callie for her wariness, especially after she'd found out about Leah, and Arizona had tried to be patient but it was becoming extremely frustrating. Callie took offense at anything she said or did and it was only the joy she got from unlimited time spent with Sofia that kept her settled. Despite knowing in her heart that Callie was truly trying and loving her for it, it just wasn't enough for Arizona anymore. She felt even more alone now that she was back home, than she felt when they were apart and it was those times, late at night when Callie slid out of bed without even a word and either went to work on her computer or back to the hospital that Arizona's thoughts drifted to Leah Murphy.

When she was left alone in bed, she couldn't help but remember what she had tried so hard to ignore; the longing in Leah's expressive eyes whenever Arizona happened to catch her watching her. The lack of judgment, the gentle touches, and softy whispered words that made Arizona feel wanted. Everything she hadn't felt since she had cheated and Callie kicked her out of her life. All the things she had hoped to feel again once she was back home but hadn't. Then those images were pushed out by the memories of empty eyes and toneless voice as Leah continued to keep her conversations with Arizona limited to 'yes Dr. Robbins' and 'no Dr. Robbins', when she wasn't avoiding her and Arizona had to admit that it hurt.

Arizona was also aware that Leah had become a workaholic. She knew that Leah had maxed out, if not gone over the sixty hours she was limited to working each week and that there had been nights Leah hadn't even gone home. On the few occasions she'd seen the intern, Arizona had noticed the pallor of her skin and the circles under her once bright eyes and she'd become worried about the young woman's health as well as her ability to perform surgery if it came to that. Unfortunately, she never had the chance to speak to her about it as Leah always managed to have one reason or another to run away. It was making her absolutely crazy.

Finally it was Leah's turn to do a rotation in Pediatrics and Arizona knew Leah would have no choice but to talk to her. Unfortunately, the young blonde couldn't be found.

"Hey, have you seen Leah?" Arizona asked Shane Ross who was just leaving the breakroom. "She's supposed to be covering Peds today."

"Stephane said she called in sick."

Arizona felt what was left of her patience snap. "I see." Without saying anything else she walked away and began her rounds, growing so irritated throughout the day that all of the interns and most of the residents made it a point to stay out of her way and when Callie approached her to coldly tell her she was taking Sofia over to Meredith's for a playdate after work, it took every ounce of restraint she had not to scream at her wife for always choosing to be somewhere other than at home with her.

After her shift, Arizona contemplated stopping off for a much needed drink but then she decided that she had some unfinished business with an increasingly annoying intern who wouldn't get out of her head.

"Leah I know you're there damnit" Arizona called through the door. She'd been knocking for five minutes with no answer and Leah wasn't answering her phone but she'd be damned if she left before seeing the stubborn woman.

"I know you're mad at me Leah, but bailing on your responsibility today just so you wouldn't have to deal with me is childish and not the behavior of a promising surgeon." She waited for several seconds with no response and she sighed.

"Leah, I'm not leaving until you…"

She paused mid rant as the door opened and then gasped at the sight that greeted her. Leah looked like shit on a bad day. Her hair was a stringy mess and she was deathly pale and judging by the way she was grasping the door, she could barely stand.

"Here. Now you've seen me. Satisfied?" Leah rasped in a barely audible voice.

"What's wrong with you?" Arizona asked, feeling alarmed by how weak she looked.

"I have the flu. So you can put your ego away Dr. Robbins. I wasn't avoiding you today. I just didn't think you'd want me spreading the flu to the children."

"Leah I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

"Well now you do, so if you don't mind I need to get back to bed."

"You need to see a doctor," Arizona chided.

"I am a doctor," Leah snapped. "And despite what you may think of my abilities, I'm capable of treating the flu."

"Leah, quit being so stubborn. At least let me come in and …"

"No. You made it clear that you don't need me anymore and I sure as hell don't need your pity, so just go back to your adoring wife."

'_You don't need me anymore'. _Arizona's heart ached at the words Leah had thrown at her once before and she finally understood just how much she'd hurt this young woman who'd never wanted anything but to be with her. "I never meant to hurt you," she said softly.

"No?" Leah managed to scoff before she was wracked with a fit of coughing. "Well you did. Just go Arizona. I can take care of myself and you don't need to take the flu home to your daughter."

"I can't leave you here alone Leah," Arizona insisted, concern for the intern growing by the second. "You need someone to take care of you."

"No," Leah snapped. "You don't get to keep doing this to me. I gave you a way out once before but you're the one who texted me to start up whatever it is we had. You kept coming to me. You knew I was in love with you and you just shit all over that. I'm not going to let you do it again."

Arizona's heart broke and her eyes fluttered shut against the pain in Leah's fever glazed eyes. She had known Leah was infatuated with her but she honestly had no idea it was love. "Oh God. Leah. I swear I never wanted you to feel this way. I enjoyed our nights together, I did, but you knew that what we had was temporary. You knew I wanted to make my marriage work."

Leah snorted. "Yeah maybe I did and yes I'm aware I was a complete idiot, but these last few weeks I gave everything to you. I was the one who was there for you, who loved you and didn't judge you. I was the one who held you after Callie hurt you again and again and you let me, but as soon as the woman who declared you dead to God and everyone, the one who repeatedly called you a slut in front of your co-workers, comes knocking, you kick me out like a cheap lay you couldn't wait to get rid of. You don't get to pretend like you give a damn about me now."

Tears stung Arizona's eyes as the full weight of just how badly she'd treated the vulnerable woman fell on her. "Oh Leah, I did…I do care about you. You were never just a…that to me. I was just so shocked by Callie's visit and…"

"No. The truth is I don't matter to you or to anyone else. I never have, so just go home to the wife that treats you so well and leave me alone."

Before Arizona could argue, she found the door firmly shut in her face. All of a sudden she was bombarded by memories of soft eyes watching her adoringly. Gentle arms holding her as she cried after another fight with Callie. Whispered words of support, telling her how amazing she was. Soft touches and passionate kisses that made her feel desired. How had she not seen it? How had she allowed herself to ignore just how much Leah cared for her? And how badly did it now hurt to see the longing replaced by pain and rejection.

_I don't matter. I never have. _Arizona managed to walk halfway down the hall before she collapsed against the wall, tears falling as she finally realized what she'd done and had to accept that the innocent, tender hearted intern would rather suffer alone, rather than have Arizona care for her.

Part of Arizona urged her to go back to Leah's and pound on the door until Leah was forced to let her in but she didn't'. She had no idea how to even begin to make up for what she'd done.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

To Ship the Impossible Ship Part 2

Arizona x Leah

Disclaimers in Part 1

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Two days after her failed visit to Leah's apartment, Arizona was close to falling apart. After she came home from Leah's, Callie pitched a fit, demanding to know if Arizona had gone back for another go with the intern and Arizona had lost it. She told Callie she went to confront Leah about skipping out on her job but found out the young woman was suffering from a severe case of the flu. Callie just rolled her eyes and insinuated Arizona's bedside manner was more personal than required.

Arizona had tried to ignore the snide remarks and the coldness even as they pretended that everything was normal except it wasn't. There were embraces and kisses that only began to stir the remembered fire when Callie pulled away and said good night.

Finally after two days of snark and thinly veiled insults, Arizona had had enough. She told Callie she was through being her punching bag. She was through trying to make up for her mistake because it was evident Callie was never going to be able to forget and she was tired of having a wife that wouldn't make love to her. They spent the next hour fighting, crying and then finally talking.

Eventually Callie wiped her eyes and sighed. "I love you Arizona and I always will, but you're right. I can and I do forgive you because I finally understand how lost you were feeling. I understand how much you were struggling with everything that had happened. I missed it at the time and that's on me. It's just…as much as I do love you and as much as I want to I can't let it go."

Arizona's eyes had burned as it began to sink in that her marriage was truly over. "I know Callie and I will always hate myself for what I did to you."

"Don't," Callie said in resignation. "It won't change anything and you'll never let yourself be happy and after everything we've been through, I think we both deserve to find some happiness. Even if it's with someone else."

Arizona snorted. "Has anyone that we know ever been happy for more than five minutes?" she sighed, leaning her head back against the sofa.

"There's Derek and Meredith," Callie offered tiredly.

"Well there's happy and then here's disgustingly giddy," Arizona quipped, relieved to hear Callie's laugh.

"I'm still willing to try again," Callie said turning her head to look at Arizona.

"Let me ask you something," Arizona said softly, reaching out to stroke her wife's cheek. "When you look at me…when we kiss, can you honestly tell me you aren't remembering what I did?"

Callie was silent for so long that it made Arizona nervous. "I want to be able to tell you that, I do," Callie said honestly, covering Arizona's hand and kissing the back gently.

"I know you do," Arizona replied sadly, "and I know you can't and I will never forgive myself for that, but I can't…"

"I know," Callie sighed. "And it's hard because I know how you feel. Erica Hahn was the first woman I ever loved," she admitted more wistfully than she was aware of. "And I cheated on her."

Arizona gaped at her wife. She'd known a little about Callie's relationship with Dr. Hahn, but obviously not everything.

"When we first began to date," Callie continued, "it came as a total surprise to me…I didn't really understand it at the time because I'd never even looked at a woman that way, but it was amazing. Erica is an incredible doctor who's as driven as I am if not more and that intensity carried over into her private life too. I'm not sure how it happened but somehow…we just connected. She had never been attracted to a woman before either but it didn't seem to faze her at all."

Callie paused as she remembered her first kiss with the former cardiothoracic surgeon. It had been different than anything she'd ever experienced and made her feel things she never had and it had scared the hell out of her. "I, on the other hand, completely freaked out. I was really attracted to her but I didn't want to be different so I panicked. That's when I slept with Mark," she continued sadly. "We tried to fix it and she eventually forgave me but she wound up leaving me anyway because I was never comfortable enough with who I was to fully commit to a relationship with her. Oh my God…" she said suddenly sitting up and gaping at Arizona.

"What?" Arizona said suddenly alarmed.

"That's it isn't it? That's why you slept with Boswell. You wanted to feel normal and I just kept reminding you of what you'd lost."

Arizona looked away and nodded. "Yes, but it doesn't justify it. No by a longshot."

Callie reached out and stroked her face gently, causing Arizona's eyes to slide closed as she remembered the way things used to be.

"No it doesn't, but how can I condemn you for doing exactly the same thing I did Arizona? And even when I was lashing out at you for cheating, a part of me still remembers how hurt Erica had been when she found out I cheated on her. The only difference is that Erica was more understanding and quicker to forgive than I was."

Arizona frowned as she studied her wife finally seeing something she'd not seen before. "You still have feelings for her don't you?"

Callie looked away. "No."

Arizona smiled sadly. "You don't lie for shit," she teased.

Callie shrugged. "She's been gone so long and once I fell for you, it became easy to push her to the back of my mind but…"

"You never forget your first," Arizona finished.

Callie smiled wryly. "I guess not. I'm sorry Arizona. I swear that she never crossed my mind while we were together. Well maybe she did after we broke up. I couldn't help but remember, you know? My ex-husband cheated on me, I cheated on Erica…"

"I cheated on you," Arizona added.

"Why do we do this to people we love?"

Arizona shrugged. "There are all kinds of why. I can say why I did it and you can say why you did it, but it doesn't really change anything does it?"

"No."

"But it doesn't mean we don't love each other Callie. Sometimes the baggage we carry just becomes too much for other people to carry. The trick is to find that one person stronger than the baggage."

Callie frowned. "And for you is that person really Murphy of all people?" she asked dubiously.

Arizona sighed. She so didn't want to have this conversation but as this was the first honest conversation they had in over a year, she couldn't hold back now.

"No," she finally answered and then thought. "I don't know. Leah is actually stronger than people think," she said. "I know you don't want the details but I need to explain how this all happened."

Callie winced but nodded.

"I…the first time I was so drunk I don't really even remember it. It happened after the fundraiser. I was just… you had ignored me all night and then I found out you were telling people I was dead."

"Arizona, I…"

"No," Arizona smiled. "You don't have to apologize. I know why you said it and I know you had…have…every right to resent me, but at the time I couldn't handle it and I just sat in the supply closet with April and got drunk and apparently I treated Leah like a waitress when we ran out of champagne. Then when I got into the cab to go home, Murphy followed me out and read me the riot act about treating her with respect and I'm still not really sure what happened after that."

"Murphy told you off?" Callie couldn't hold her surprise.

"Yeah. I didn't think she had it in her either," Arizona remembered poking Leah on the nose and calling her adorable, but she wasn't about to tell that to her wife.

"So what happened? You said it was more than once?" Callie said, a touch of accusation returning to her voice.

Arizona looked away but she had to tell Callie everything and hoped she would understand, even if she herself didn't. "The night you kicked me out of the house right in front of her, I was humiliated and sad because that was the first time I really began to accept we were over and I fell apart. Leah offered me a place to stay and she was just there. I was feeling like nothing and she was caring and made me feel like I wasn't an utter fuck up and I gave into it," Arizona admitted with shame.

"I knew it was wrong immediately. Unfortunately Leah didn't see it that way and when I found out how seriously she'd taken it, I told her it was a mistake and wouldn't happen again." Arizona remembered how strong Leah had tried to be but the pain and rejection in her eyes still broke Arizona's heart.

"Then you and I had another fight. And that night I was lying in my hotel bed feeling depressed and lonely. I was finally dealing with the fact that you would never take me back and…I know it doesn't excuse anything, but I needed to feel wanted and Leah gave me that."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that," Callie said angrily after a long pause. "Am I supposed to feel guilty because you were lonely?"

"No," Arizona said quickly. "Callie, I don't want you to feel guilty about anything and I don't want to fight anymore. I'm not trying to excuse what I did. I'm just trying to explain why I was with Leah."

"Do you have feelings for her?"

"Maybe," she said honestly. "It's just…you're so incredibly strong Callie. You are a wonderful wife and mother and a brilliant doctor but you are also so independent. Leah makes me feel needed. She knows all the mistakes I've made and it doesn't matter. I don't know if it's anything more than that."

"Well Jesus Arizona. Do you know how that makes me feel?" Callie accused, sitting up.

"Yes," Arizona cried. "I do know and I'm not proud of it, just like you're not proud of the feelings you still have for Erica, but I'm trying to be honest with you."

Callie took a deep breath. "I know. I'm sorry, it's just a lot for me to accept, but then again, I don't have a lot of room to judge do I?"

"Yeah you do. You have every right to judge me and to be angry with me."

"Yeah, though I guess you do too. With me. I mean I know you still haven't gotten past my making the decision to amputate your leg and I pushed you too hard and too fast to get over it. I made it about me and I really wasn't there when you needed me."

Arizona shook her head, not really knowing how to explain the unexplainable. "Yes Callie, I was angry about my leg but I've finally come to understand that it wasn't really about that. We're surgeons and we know that people live perfectly normal lives after an amputation. It was the fact you made the decision for me. I mean, I had no control over the plane crash or anything else at that point and then suddenly I didn't even have control over my own body and I didn't handle it well and I took back control the only way I could find."

"But why Murphy of all people?" Callie asked again, more sincere confusion than anger in her voice, though there was still a touch of that. "I mean she's so….Murphy."

Arizona was quiet for a long time as she tried to find the answer least likely to hurt the gentle woman sitting next to her and then realized there wasn't one. "The truth? Callie, since we've been back together, you've done nothing but talk about phase two of your project with Derek and how you're doing it to give me a better prosthetic so I can be like I was before."

Callie bristled in anger at that. "I want to help my wife," she said defensively. "I want you to feel the way you used to and I want us to be able to do everything we used to. Why is that wrong?"

Arizona quickly cupped Callie's face. "It's not wrong Callie," she replied earnestly. "And I love you for wanting to do that for me, I do but…I'm finally content with my life now and with how I am. I guess when it comes right down to it, that's why I turned to Leah. You want me how I used to be…and I swear I don't fault you for that at all. I appreciate it and I really hope you succeed with the project and I will help you any way that you want, but Leah despite how I treated her…she just wants me for who I am now. Limitations, flaws and all. And…she needs me."

Callie's anger vanished instantly as she finally began to understand why Arizona had cheated the first time. "You don't think I need you? You believe I didn't think you were enough the way you are?" she asked, hurt painted across her features.

Arizona's first instinct was to deny it, but she was done trying to cover her feelings. That instinct had ruined everything. "Yeah."

"But that' not true. You've always been enough," Callie argued.

Arizona had to smile. "Not really. I know you love me Callie but we really just happened so fast. Once you accepted and were comfortable with who you were, you swept me off my feet. You are a woman who finally knows what you want and won't give up until you get it. That's one of the things I love about you but in the time we've been together you've always put Sofia first, your research second and then me. Come on Callie be honest and tell me that's not true."

Callie opened her mouth to do just that and then it hit her. She couldn't help but remember all the times she'd pushed Arizona aside for one project or another or for their daughter, of all the times she only pretended to listen to her wife while she continued on with her research and it was like a punch in the gut as she remembered everything that led Erica to leave her.

"I didn't know," Callie said, tears beginning to fall. "You have to know that Arizona. I never meant to put you last. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I shouldn't have had to," Arizona said as gently as she could.

They sat in silence for a long moment, neither knowing what else to say and trying to accept that their marriage was at an end while hoping to salvage at least a good friendship.

"You're welcome to stay here," Callie finally offered. "You will always be a part of Sofia's life. Of mine too."

Arizona began to cry. "I'm so sorry Callie. For everything. I do love you and I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

Callie sighed and pulled Arizona into her arms. "I know," she finally said as she began to cry as well. "I'm sorry I told everyone you were dead."

Arizona snorted in a sad amusement and just rested in Callie's arms as they tried to mend what had been torn apart, even if it wasn't the way she'd hoped.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

To Ship the Impossible Ship Part 3

Arizona x Leah

Disclaimers in Part 1

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After another night on the couch and a surprisingly comfortable breakfast with Callie and Sofia, Arizona had decided that it would be best for everyone to find a house of her own and as she had the day off she decided to start her search.

She had looked at a few houses before she found herself standing once more outside of Leah's door. The blonde hadn't been in to work the previous two days but when Arizona called to check on her, she didn't answer and she was now officially worried.

She knocked several times with no answer. Thinking the blonde had recovered and gone to the hospital, she called Miranda Bailey.

"She's not here again today and she didn't call in," Miranda said shortly, "and she better have a good damned reason."

"That's not like her," Arizona said with concern. "You know how enthusiastic she is about her job."

"That's for damned sure," Miranda snorted, "but she's been more out of it than usual for the last couple of months so who knows."

"Damnit," Arizona muttered. "She's probably still recovering from the flu. She's friends with Edwards has she said anything?"

"'Not to me and even if she's still sick she needs to call it in."

"Okay," Arizona frowned. Hadn't anybody thought to check on Leah? She hung up and was about to leave when she heard something from inside the apartment. She knocked again and then heard the noise again. Her heart stopped as she realized it was a moan.

"Leah! Leah, its Arizona. Open the door." No answer, then a soft thud.

"Shit," Arizona swore desperately. She quickly called for an ambulance, relieved the intern found an apartment relatively close to the hospital.

It took less than fifteen minutes for the ambulance to arrive and Arizona cringed when they broke in the door but seeing a pajama clad Leah passed out on the living room floor wiped out the guilt she felt.

"Oh my God," Arizona cried and pushed her way past the EMT's to kneel next to the fallen woman. She didn't need to even touch Leah to know she was running a dangerously high fever. Sweat was pouring down flushed cheeks and the heat was palpable.

"Please Dr. Robbins, we need to get her to the hospital. We'll take care of her."

Arizona reluctantly stepped aside as they lifted her onto the gurney. "I'm coming with you."

"How is she?" Arizona quickly asked Cristina when she left Leah's room.

"She's completely out of it but stable," Cristina answered in her rather blunt way. "She was borderline pneumonia, completely dehydrated and had a fever of 104, not to mention severe exhaustion. We've got her on fluids and some heavy antibiotics so, barring infection she should be able to go home in a couple of days, but she was a mess. Quite frankly if you hadn't found her when you did…"

"She had the flu, didn't she have anybody checking on her?" Arizona was shocked that someone could be incredibly sick without anyone checking and she was disgusted with herself for not staying when she'd seen how sick she was before.

"No. Edwards had talked about it, but she's still working with Grey on her project and she was afraid she'd get sick and I guess nobody else thought about it."

"Wow," Arizona said, appalled by the lack of compassion from the people she worked with and herself.

"Well Murphy hasn't really endeared herself to a lot of people," Cristina mentioned.

_She did to me,_ Arizona thought sadly. Cristina walked away and Arizona slipped into Leah's room. She pulled up a chair next to the bed and took Leah's hand. For the longest time she didn't say anything, she just watched Leah, pretending she was only sleeping. She looked so peaceful, especially without the soulful dark eyes watching her sadly. Arizona had been aware of the looks Leah often gave her. Especially when she was with Callie, but she'd always forced herself to pretend she didn't because that would remind her of the callous way she'd treated her. It would remind her of how softly Leah had touched her as if she worshipped her. It would remind her of the way she would wake up to find Leah's eyes on her, full of an emotion Arizona wouldn't allow herself to define. Then when Leah realized Arizona was awake, she would close off her expression and quickly leave, afraid of pushing her too far and Arizona simply let her.

Arizona sighed. Cristina was right. Leah Murphy had certainly earned herself a reputation for being pushy, arrogant and often times just plain obnoxious. She came across as a perpetual suck up but it only took minutes of actually talking alone with the young resident to realize that it was all just a cover. Every time Leah pushed, or boasted or tried to suck up to an Attending, it was because she had absolutely no faith in herself. She fancied herself in love anytime anyone spoke nicely to her or dated her because she was so lonely and uncertain and Arizona had ignored all of that because she didn't want to see it. And apparently nobody else at the hospital wanted to see it either.

"I am so sorry Leah," she whispered as she pushed a stray curl out of still closed eyes. "I should never have left you alone. You needed someone to take care of you. You needed me and as many times as you were there for me, I should have been here for you."

Arizona wiped away a tear that escaped as she pictured the woman suffering alone in her apartment for nearly a week, thinking nobody even cared.

Suddenly she needed to see Leah's eyes, to see she was going to really be alright. "Leah, please, wake up," she urged quietly, releasing a sigh of relief when Leah's eyes fluttered open.

"Arizona?" she rasped weakly, the glazed eyes spoke of just how sick the woman was.

"I'm here," she replied with a warm smile, gently cupping a flushed cheek. "You're going to be fine."

"No you're not. This is a hallucination," Leah muttered closing her eyes. "The real Arizona doesn't care enough about me to be here. You're merely a manifestation of my symptoms."

"No," Arizona smiled sadly. "I'm not and I do care. More than I should."

"I wish you were real though," Leah continued weakly, as if Arizona hadn't spoken. "If you were here, it would mean you cared and then I could tell you…" she moaned and began to cough.

"Shh, Leah, don't talk," Arizona's heart broke but she was desperately afraid to hear the revelation the confused woman was about to make.

"I would tell you that I love you like I've never loved anyone else ever," Leah managed when the coughing stopped. "I'd tell you that you that I love the way you look at me, like I was important to you. I love the way you touched me like you wanted me, even if you didn't mean it. I would tell you I love your big heart and your brilliant mind and god, you're so beautiful…" her voice faded as she once again lost consciousness, leaving Arizona reeling from the heartfelt, shaky and somewhat babbling declaration.

"Oh Leah," she whispered and tried to fight the tears that sprung to her eyes. How had she been so incredibly blind, not just to Leah's feelings but to her own?

"When you're better, you and I are going to have a very long and overdue conversation." She stood and after a split second hesitation, she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the still burning forehead.

Leah opened her eyes, unsure of what woke her. She was startled to recognize the ceiling of the hospital.

"Oh good you're awake."

Leah turned her head at the unexpected voice and was surprised to see Arizona sitting next to her bed in the blue scrubs that always made her eyes so much prettier. Leah shook her head at the inappropriate though as she struggled to sit up.

"What…why am in the hospital?" she asked sleepily and suddenly she remembered a weird dream that Arizona had come to see her and was even crying.

Adding to Leah's confusion, Arizona smiled gently and picked up her hand. "You were really sick."

"I just had the flu," Leah argued. "How long have I been here anyway?"

"Two days," Arizona soothed. "I stopped by your apartment Thursday afternoon and you were passed out on the floor, very near pneumonia and severely dehydrated. You told me you were taking care of yourself," she scolded.

"I guess I just didn't feel like getting out of bed to fix something to eat," Leah shrugged, wondering why Arizona had even stopped by.

"Yes and that, along with the 80 hours a week you've been working are why you passed out when you finally did get up," the older woman chided. "Oh and sorry about your apartment door. I had someone go out today to fix it."

Leah was growing even more confused. "What about my door?"

"I…"Arizona felt her cheeks heat out of guilt and embarrassment. "You didn't answer the door but then I heard you fall so I called the paramedics and they kind of broke down your door to get in."

Only the fact that she was still feeling fuzzy kept her from dwelling on that revelation. "Okay well, thanks for finding me." She closed her eyes in a clear dismissal as Arizona's compassion was beginning to hurt her.

"Why didn't you call someone?" Arizona asked, ignoring Leah's not so subtle hint. "Bailey said you didn't call in yesterday or the day before."

"I did," Leah said with confusion. "I called Stephanie and told her I was really sick and wouldn't be in. She said she'd tell Bailey and try and come check on me."

Arizona swallowed her sadness and the flash of anger at herself and everyone at the hospital for letting things come to this. "That was three days ago Leah. Nobody heard from you since."

"Oh," Leah frowned as the reality of her situation hit her and filled her with a sad sort of bitterness. "Well if they had checked, they would have discovered that I was at home in bed, not off in Vegas or somewhere."

"Why didn't you call me?" she asked quietly just as she had once before, but this time Leah wasn't crying, in fact she didn't look like she felt much of anything and that worried Arizona more than if tears were streaming down her face."

Leah snorted and turned away from the probing eyes that always had her falling at Arizona's feet. "I didn't think you'd….I didn't want to interrupt your time with your wife and daughter," she muttered.

_I didn't think you'd come. _ Arizona had no doubt that's what Leah had been about to say and that was surprisingly painful.

"I shouldn't have let you send me away before," she replied sincerely. Arizona reached out and took Leah's chin, forcing her gaze back to her own. "And I should have checked back on you sooner and I'm so sorry I didn't." Unconsciously her thumb slid across full lips she'd come to know so well and she wasn't oblivious to the resulting tremor.

"Despite what you think…what I've made you think, I do care for you Leah and the thought that you felt you had to suffer alone instead of calling me…it hurts me."

As her head cleared, Leah began to remember the way she'd fallen for Arizona's tenderness before only to be kicked in the heart as soon as Callie came running and she pulled her chin out of Arizona's oh so soft fingers.

"I'm sure it does," she said with patent disbelief, "but you don't have to feel guilty. You saved the day so thanks for finding me and you can return to your wife now."

Arizona rolled her eyes. Leah Murphy was such a drama queen some times and she looked forward to her reaction to what she was about to say. She got to her feet.

" , I have a surgery in an hour that I need to get ready for but just so you know, Callie and I are no longer together." With that announcement, she bent over the bedrail and dropped a lingering kiss on Leah's lips. She finally pulled back, smirking at the young woman's shocked expression.

"Cristina says you're going home today so I'll be back in after my surgery to take you home and then we are going to have a chat."

Leah could do nothing but watch the blonde leave her room and wonder if she was still delirious.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg

"So. Ready to go?"

Leah jerked awake at the sudden question. And feeling an odd sense of déjà vu, she was once again confused to see Arizona standing there, although this time she was in slacks and a silver blouse, looking ridiculously beautiful.

"What?" She finally asked.

"I told you I was taking you home and Cristina told you the same thing two hours ago. I brought you a change of clothes so get your lazy ass up and get dressed."

Leah just stared at the smirking surgeon, having no idea what was going on. She only barely remembered Yang coming into talk to her because her thoughts had all been on Arizona. She'd just dreamed Arizona's visit hadn't she? And if it wasn't a dream, did that mean that Arizona had really said she and Callie broke up? Did it mean she really kissed her?

"I…what?" she asked again.

Arizona suppressed a laugh and had to admit she was feeling rather proud of herself for shocking the occasionally babbling intern into speechlessness.

"You've already forgotten? Maybe you aren't well enough to go home," Arizona replied casually, pretending to leave the room.

"No. I want to go home, but…you were here before?" Leah asked tentatively, afraid despite herself.

Arizona's smirk eased into a sad little smile and she stepped next to Leah's bed. She gently palmed Leah's cheek, hating the wariness in Leah's eyes, knowing that the painfully vulnerable woman feared she was going to be rejected yet again.

"Yes, I was here before," she replied kindly. "And yes I told you I was taking you home and yes, I kissed you."

"But why?"

"That's what we're going to talk about if you ever decide to get dressed so we can get you back home. Now, do you need some help?"

Even though Arizona had seen every inch of her numerous times, the thought of the somewhat intimidating woman seeing her now made her blush. "No, I've got it."

"Good," Arizona smiled, seeing the blush. "I'll get the wheelchair and then we'll get you discharged." She started to leave but then turned back. "You're not alone anymore."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

To Ship the Impossible Ship Part 4

Arizona x Leah

Disclaimers in Part 1

This is the last chapter and it's super long I couldn't really find a place I wanted to cut it. Hope you don't mind

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

"Alright, go make yourself comfortable and I'll make some chicken soup and a sandwich," Arizona ordered, not waiting to make sure Leah complied before heading into the kitchen.

"Good luck," Leah muttered numbly as she sat stiffly on the sofa. "I don't cook a lot and haven't been to the grocery store in a while."

Arizona checked the cabinets and the refrigerator and discovered Leah wasn't exaggerating. There was a carton of juice and that was about it.

"Leah, this is really sad. You know that right?"

"I do alright. I eat at the hospital most of the time."

"Yeah well we've seen how well that turned out," Arizona retorted as she took out the juice from the refrigerator and checked the expiration date. She wasn't surprised to see it was about two days away from being expired. She poured a glass and took it to Leah.

"So, here's what's going to happen. You're going to lay here on the sofa or in your bed and I'm going to go to the store and then come back and make you something to eat and then we are going to talk."

"Arizona, I don't think…"

"Good. I'll be back and be sure to let me in. I'd hate to have to pay to have your door replaced again."

Once again, Arizona got the final word as she quickly left the apartment, leaving Leah struggling to keep her heart from giving in to the hope that Arizona's seeming concern was stirring inside of her. She couldn't….wouldn't let herself be used again. She knew herself well enough to know she'd never survive Arizona kicking her out of her life again.

As she laid down on the sofa, she considered turning on the television but instead her thoughts turned to the hazy memory of a tender kiss and sweet caring words and she drifted off to sleep, her fingertips tracing her lips hoping to recall the sensation of Arizona's lips on hers.

Somewhere in her slumbering conscious, the soft gentle words turned into cold sarcastic taunts as Arizona told her angrily to get out of her apartment and told her she never cared for Leah. Leah had only been the means to scratch an itch while the woman she really loved got over her anger.

_You don't really think I could be serious about an intern do you? Arizona laughed cruelly. "Especially one who is clingy, an obvious suck up and barely competent. I slept with you because you were there and you were easy._

Pain shot through Leah as she heard the sharply spoken words and mocking laughter. "No. It's not true," Leah pleaded in her sleep, tears beginning to sleep down her cheek.

_You know it's true. Nobody even cared enough to visit you when you were laying here sick. I only came by to find out why you felt you didn't need to show up for your rotation._

"No. You said you were worried about me. That you cared."

_It was pity Murphy. I have my life back. My wife, my daughter. I don't need you anymore Leah. I never really did._

"But I love you," Leah sobbed. "Please don't send me away

A soft caress of her cheek caused Leah to whimper and curl deeper into the sofa cushion. Arizona's own eyes stung as she watched the young woman's struggle. She'd come back to the apartment in time to hear Leah's mumbling and at first she smiled because she'd never heard her talk in her sleep before but then as she started to empty the grocery bags, she heard he first little moan and Leah pleading with someone and she froze, wondering what trauma Leah may be remembering. Then she heard the rest and her heart shattered. Leah was dreaming about her and it wasn't pleasant. She quickly went to the sofa and sat down beside Leah.

"But I love you, please don't send me away."

Arizona's eyes slid closed at the pitiful sound coming from the sleeping woman. _Oh God, what had she done to her? _"Leah," she said softly, shaking her arm lightly not wanting to scare her but Leah didn't wake up. She just continued to cry.

"Leah," Arizona said louder, this time brushing hair from her eyes. "Come on Murphy," she said firmly and it was almost amusing how quickly the firm command had the woman sitting up as if she'd been caught sleeping at work.

"I'm awake," Leah said quickly and then swiped at her cheeks wondering why they were damp.

"Good," Arizona said with a smile that quickly faded. "You were dreaming."

Leah blinked at the voice coming from right beside her and she jumped when she saw the woman who had been tormenting her in her sleep.

"You need to go," she said shakily as she sat up and tried to distance herself from the woman who threatened to destroy her.

"Nope," Arizona said breezily, even though the fear on Leah's face struck her heart.

"Why?" Leah practically cried. "I'm trying to do what you told me. I'm trying to move on."

Arizona swallowed. She hadn't realized this would be as hard as it was proving to be. "What if I don't want you to?"

Leah shook her head, refusing to let the flicker of hope flourish. "No. I'm not going to let you do this to many anymore. I don't deserve to have you sit here and say all these things knowing you're just going to rip my heart out tomorrow or…"

Not even thinking about it, Arizona leaned forward and captured Leah's lips, cutting off the hurtful words before they could continue. She'd kissed Leah before, but then it was different. She had deliberately kept herself from fully experiencing the feel and taste of Leah's lips but now...now she let herself feel every tremble and taste the sweetness mixed with the salt of her tears and it was more powerful than she'd ever imagined.

Leah whimpered and broke the kiss, more confused than she'd ever been. "Please Arizona," she begged as tears continued to fall. "If you ever cared for me at all, don't do this to me."

Arizona swallowed against the lump in her throat, once again berating herself for having broken the vulnerable woman's spirit. She slid a hand around Leah's neck and kept her from pulling away. With her free hand she gently wiped away Leah's tears. "How is it," she spoke softly, "that someone so intelligent, talented and beautiful has so little confidence in herself?"

Leah tried to look away and grew frustrated when Arizona made no attempt to let her. "Maybe because people keep treating me like I don't exist. Like I don't have feelings," she snapped angrily.

Arizona studied her closely. "Leah you told me yourself. You don't let people in. You don't let people see the good heart that I know you have."

"So it's my fault."

"No," Arizona replied patiently. "I can't speak for anyone else but I know that I treated you unfairly. I knew you had feelings for me even though I was trying to get back with Callie and I shouldn't have kept stringing you along and I shouldn't have sent you home that night the way I did."

Leah got to her feet and went to look out the window. Arizona's nearness, the soft pleading in her expressive eyes were beginning to crumble the walls she'd been trying so hard to rebuild. "I have never felt so worthless in my entire life than I did at that moment," she admitted in a whisper barely loud enough to be heard.

Arizona was on her feet and standing behind Leah as quickly as she could manage. She slid her arms around the taller woman and rested her chin on the slender shoulder. "I'm so sorry," she said. "You're not worthless. You…"she paused as she tried desperately to find the words to get through to the woman who had surprisingly little self-esteem.

"Leah, when we started seeing each other I really didn't know you that well," she said slowly. "I knew you were a good surgeon but I never really saw you outside of a professional level until the fundraiser. But each time we were together, I got to see how special you really are, despite how hard you try to hide it." She felt Leah stiffen and suspected the woman was about to bolt so she let her thumb slowly caress over her stomach while she nuzzled against her neck.

"I watched you with the patients and I saw how good you are with them. Especially the kids. You have such a big beautiful heart that I was so lucky to be given a look into and so foolish as to turn away from. You took care of me, you lowered your guard for me and I took you for granted."

Arizona's sweet warm breath on her skin and her tender words had Leah trembling violently. She was trying so hard not to fall into the same trap again.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Leah whispered desperately. "You have the woman you want. You have your wife back. Why are you trying to hurt me?"

Arizona turned Leah around and cupped her face. "I told you Leah. Callie and I had a very long talk and we….well it's over."

"So I'm your back up again?" Leah asked bitterly.

"No. I…" Sighing in frustration, Arizona leaned forward and kissed Leah with a gentleness she's never allowed herself before. This wasn't the hurried kisses that had only been a quick segue into sex. Their encounters for her had never been about intimacy and Arizona had known at the time if she had let herself, she would have easily succumbed to Leah's feelings for her.

Now, however, she held nothing back as her lips played over Leah's. Sensing the younger woman's fear, Arizona kept the kiss gentle and exploring, as she tried to show Leah that she was so much more to her than a 'backup'.

Leah's head was swimming. Arizona had never kissed her like this before, as if she truly wanted to and as if she liked it. Forgetting everything she'd told herself about letting the older woman in, she lifted her hands to Arizona's hips and instantly her back was against the window and Arizona was pressed tightly against her.

As always happened when Arizona touched her, arousal shot through Leah like a brushfire and her head flew back against the glass, not even feeling the pain as silky lips began sucking her throat.

"You are _not _a backup Leah," Arizona whispered hotly in Leah's ear before she nibbled on it. "You're not a rebound or a replacement. I care about you. A lot." She slowly trailed kisses across Leah's jaw, finally letting herself experience the sweet softness of her skin. She couldn't help but grin at the resulting whimper that came from Leah's throat

Leah opened her mouth to reply but quickly found it covered once more by Arizona's and her mind went blank.

Arizona didn't push to deepen the kiss, no matter how badly she wanted to. It had been so long since anyone had touched her with desire and she'd missed it. However, this was Leah and she was content with the gentle passion that was rising between them, needing Leah to know that this moment was about her and about them, not anyone else. And then Leah's tongue flicked innocently against her lips and Arizona groaned low in her throat. She granted Leah entrance and let their tongues dance until she came close to ripping the still recovering intern's shirt from her body and she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she panted, running her hands through her hair. "I didn't mean to get carried away," she smiled ruefully. "Come here." She took Leah's hand and led her back to the sofa. She sat and pulled the skittish woman down to sit beside her and immediately pulled her into her arms before Leah thought to scoot away.

Leah had absolutely no idea what was happening and she was more afraid than she could ever remember being. Even the horrible hours before finding out the results of the HIV test from the guy who bit her, hadn't shaken her this badly but strong arms tightened around her and she had no choice but to sigh and surrender. Unable to help herself and afraid to meet Arizona's gaze, she leaned her head on her shoulder and tried not to shiver at the long surgeon's fingers, stroking through her hair.

"I need you to listen," Arizona said quietly, "and don't run away. Okay?" She waited until she felt Leah nod against her shoulder and then continued.

"The truth is, when we started up…I was using you." She felt Leah stiffen in her arms and held tighter to keep her from moving. "Let me finish," she chided and placed a kiss on the soft blonde hair.

"I've always liked you Leah and I think you have a lot of potential to be a great surgeon, but up until that night we first got together, I never saw you as anything but another intern. I had so much going on in my life and then all my focus was on trying to get Callie to forgive me and then you happened."

Leah heard the smile in Arizona's voice but refused to look up, afraid she'd see either mockery or pity. "I took advantage of you," she admitted. "I'm sorry about that."

Arizona shook her head. "No…well kind of. Why did you? I mean why did you take care of me that night?"

Leah was quiet for so long, Arizona thought she'd fallen back asleep. "Because you were hurting and needed someone," she said simply. "And I told you before, I've always liked you and I guess I just wanted you to notice me."

Arizona shook her head, saddened again by the reminder of just how little confidence this woman had in herself and how she hadn't helped that at all.

"You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman Leah. How can you not see that?" Leah answered but Arizona hadn't expected her too.

"I know what you think….what I made you think, but after those first few nights together, it had become more than staving off loneliness. I realized that I truly cared about you." Arizona admitted.

Finally Leah lifted her head at that. "You did?"

Arizona smiled into the innocently hopeful and red rimmed eyes. She raised her hand and gently wiped away the tears from her cheeks.

"Of course I did," she replied. "How could I not? You are…an amazing lover. The way you touched me, you really are very good with your hands you know," she teased, "but more importantly, the way you looked at me….how could I not fall just a little bit?"

"But it wasn't enough," Leah replied. "I wasn't enough."

Arizona cringed hearing the same words she'd tossed at Callie thrown back in her face. "I am sorry Leah. I did know you felt more for me than you should have and I took advantage of it but at the time, I didn't want your affections and I sure as hell couldn't let myself reciprocate them."

"What changed?" Leah asked, and then she frowned. "Let me guess, Callie hurt you again."

Arizona shook her head, refusing to lose her patience with the stubborn woman. "No. And Callie isn't to blame for anything," she explained. "I'm the one who screwed up my marriage. I can't blame her for being so unforgiving. I probably would have acted the same way."

"No you wouldn't have," Leah said sincerely. "You would have been hurt and angry but you would never have humiliated her in front of the staff and you wouldn't have said she was dead."

Arizona smiled again and shook her head. She picked up Leah's hand and twined their fingers together, unable to take her eyes from the sight. "Leah you have some pretty big blinders on about me," she said and then met Leah's earnest gaze. Again she wondered how she'd overlooked this woman's naiveté. You've seen firsthand that I'm more than capable of hurting people."

"Well yeah," Leah admitted, hating that she had actually forgotten the way Arizona had turned her back on her.

"One of the things that drew me to you was how much faith you had in me," Arizona admitted. "You were attracted to me despite knowing what I'd done to Callie and despite…" she gestured at her leg.

"Of course I was," Leah said confused. "What happened between you and Callie, well it's not my business but I don't believe you cheated because she was there. I just think you had lost yourself and were under so much pressure you found the only outlet that didn't remind you of what you'd lost. And as for your leg," Leah cautiously placed a hand on Arizona's thigh, just above the prosthetic, "how could I not love something that meant you got to live? This doesn't make you less, it just proves how strong you really are."

Tears sprung to Arizona's eyes at the words that she'd so needed to hear from her wife. "How can you say such things after how I treated you?"

Leah shrugged, "because that doesn't change the facts and at any rate, I can't really blame you for how you ended things. As you say, I knew why you were with me and I knew that the moment Callie came back you'd be gone. It wasn't your fault that I got carried away. That's just what I do."

"So are you saying that you've moved on?" Arizona said with a teasing smile but feeling a flicker of uncertainty.

Leah shook her head. "I know that people think I'm flighty and don't take me seriously, and to be honest I'm sure that it's deserved, especially when it comes to my feelings, but what I feel for you…it's not going anywhere. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Arizona urged. "I don't want them to go away."

"You don't?" Leah willed her heart to stop the mad pounding in her chest, but without success. Hope was the worst feeling in the world when it was unrealized.

"No. Look Leah, I have to be honest. Right now my feelings are so screwed up I don't know which way is up. I do still love Callie, you have to understand that."

And the breaking of her heart began again. "Oh. Well of course I do. She's your wife," Leah said numbly and tried to move away.

"Stay put," Arizona ordered with a chuckle, not letting the woman out of her arms. "I'm not finished yet. Callie and I finally had a talk we should have had months ago." She paused as she remembered the painful conversation and the fact that the marriage she'd fought so hard to fix was over.

"Did she hurt you?" Leah asked angrily, pulling away and studying Arizona's sad face.

"So protective," Arizona couldn't help but smile. "No. She didn't hurt me. The sad fact is we hurt each other. Callie and I have been through a lot almost from the moment we met," she explained. "Unfortunately a marriage is only as strong as the biggest crisis it has to face and the plane crash and everything that happened was just too big. And then there's you."

"Me? What did I do?" Leah looked confused and borderline defensive.

Arizona couldn't help but laugh. "You, my persistent little intern, managed to shove your way under my skin and I'm not as upset by that as I should be."

Leah managed to pull away, her heart racing and hope threatening to choke her. "What exactly are you saying Arizona? Does this mean you want…you want to be with me?"

Arizona reached out to caress the sweet face. "Yes it does," she said honestly, her heart breaking a little at the way Leah's face lit up, afraid of the power she had over this woman. "I have to be completely honest with you, okay?"

Leah's smile faded a little at that, wondering which shoe was about to be dropped. "Okay," she replied warily.

"I do want to be with you Leah, but I'm sorry that I can't tell you that I feel the way you do," she said as gently as she could trying to ignore Leah's flinch. "I can't tell you that right now because I'm still trying to reconcile how I feel about Callie and what I feel for her… it's not going to fade overnight."

"Oh. That's okay," Leah said with the fake enthusiasm Arizona was becoming all too familiar with.

She shifted so she was certain that that Leah would truly see her. "No sweetie, it's not okay. You should never be content to settle. You deserve so much more than that."

Leah shook her head. "I don't understand Arizona. You said you wanted to be with me?"

"I do Leah," Arizona assured her. "I just want to ask you to be patient with me. When we were together before, I found myself starting to feel more for you than I should have. I never would have let it continue past that first time if I hadn't, but I couldn't let myself have feelings for you. I wasn't really free. Do you understand?" She waited for Leah's nod before continue. "But I am now. I'm free to show you how amazing you are. Of how amazing you make me feel when you look at me with those big eyes of yours," she smiled. "I want to try and I'm hoping that you forgive me for how I treated you before and let me."

For the first time she could remember, Leah had no idea what to say. She stared at the blonde looking at her with more tenderness than she ever had and she had no idea what to do. "I…okay," she blurted lamely, surprised when Arizona simply laughed.

"Wow, try and curb your enthusiasm," Arizona teased.

Leah's eyes widened. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I mean, yes I forgive you and I promise not to say anything at the hospital because…" a long warm finger over her lips stilled her rambling.

"I appreciate that," Arizona interrupted kindly. "It's not that I'm ashamed of us but even though Callie knows, I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have."

"Oh. Well I can understand that."

"Good. Let's just take things slow okay? Maybe we can actually date for a while?"

Leah frowned. "Does that mean no sex?"

"Well not tonight, no but we'll get there." Arizona laughed as she watched the pout cross Leah's face and she cocked her head and smiled, totally charmed by the expression. Unable to resist, she reached up and poked Leah on the nose the way she did that first night. "You really are adorable you know," she grinned and then before Leah could reply, she pulled the blonde closer and covered her lips until they softened and finally moved beneath her own.

Damn but Leah Murphy could kiss, Arizona thought several minutes later as Leah broke away only to trail her enthusiastic lips down her throat. "This is real isn't it?" Leah panted into Arizona's neck.

Arizona's fingers tightened in Leah's long hair as the younger woman began to nip and suckle against her skin.

"Yes Leah it is. We really need to work on that self-esteem of yours," she breathed, only half teasing and gently pushed the eager woman away. "But now, you're still recovering so you're going to get into bed…alone," she added with a smirk at Leah's hopeful expression which quickly fell into disappointment.

"I'm not going anywhere," Arizona assured her seriously. "I'm off for the next two days, as are you so I'm going to be here to take care of you." She got to her feet and led the taller woman into her bedroom. While Leah put on her pajamas, Arizona changed the sheets and then tucked her charge into bed. She bent over and kissed her forehead, feeling her heart warm at the innocence looking back at her.

"I'm going to finish making the soup I had planned on making earlier, and which you're going to eat by the way and then…"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Leah asked tentatively. "I mean not for sex or anything like that, but I just like having you next to me and…"

"You're rambling again," Arizona teased fondly. "And of course I'll stay. Now just stay put and watch some television or something and I'll be right back."

"I do love you, you know," Leah whispered.

Arizona's eyes slid closed and guilt flashed through her. "I know," she said, hating that she simply couldn't say it back to the woman who so deserved to be loved.

"I'll wait for you as long as it takes," Leah said with a rare smile of understanding and some of the guilt lifted as Arizona knew that Leah truly did understand.

She kissed the intern gently and then left the bedroom, feeling a contentment that she hadn't felt in longer than she could remember. She knew, however, that things weren't going to be easy. Leah was still an intern and she was an Attending. Callie was still feeling betrayed, and Arizona was still heartbroken that she'd messed up her marriage and hurt such a wonderful woman so badly. Then there was the fact that Leah was in love with her. Part of her wanted to believe that it was just a young woman's infatuation, but she couldn't. The way that Leah looked at her and the almost adoring way she touched her told Arizona more than words how the younger woman felt and the strength of it shook her to the core, but it hurt her to know she didn't feel as strongly. Not yet. She desired Leah….a lot and she knew that she felt far more for her than mere friendship but she still wasn't sure that part of it wasn't just gratitude for being wanted just the way she was and she couldn't bear to hurt her again.

These thoughts swam through her mind as she finished the soup and prepared a tray with a bowl of soup, some crackers and a glass of Pedialyte but they evaporated as soon as she entered the bedroom and saw Leah. She was casually stretched out on the bed watching the television, sheets low on her hips and one bare arm folded beneath her head against the headboard emphasizing the surprisingly sexy muscles in her slender biceps. The tank top hugging her body had ridden up slightly, exposing a mouthwatering expanse of very taut abs. _Jesus_ she thought, desire ripping through her. She'd seen Leah Murphy without clothes before, but she had no idea the woman was hiding this level of sensuality.

"Dinner's ready," she managed to rasp out, once the blood flow returned to her brain.

Leah turned and offered Arizona an endearingly unaware sleepy smile that only added to the sexiness. "You didn't have to," she said even as she shifted up on the bed.

"Nope I didn't," Arizona said casually, pushing the unexpected lust to the back of her mind. She carefully placed the tray on Leah's lap and then to Leah's surprise, she carefully slid onto the bed beside her.

"Oh my God what are you watching?" Arizona said bursting out into laughter as he looked at the colorful mess on the large television.

Leah shrugged. "You work in Pediatrics Arizona, I'd figure you'd be aware of SpongeBob Squarepants by now."

Arizona opened her mouth and then shut it and shook her head, completely charmed by this side of Leah Murphy. "Alrighty then," she finally said as seriously as her twitching lips would let her and sat back to watch the annoying little yellow sponge, though her gaze more often than not wandered to her bedmate. Her heart swelled in her chest as she allowed herself to appreciate the childlike innocence wrapped up in a seductive package. Unable to help herself she leaned over and quickly kissed Leah's cheek before sitting back and staring at the television, a smirk on her face as she felt Leah's shocked gaze. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Leah shrug then go back to her soup and she thought happily that yeah, this could definitely work and at that moment Arizona suspected it wouldn't be difficult at all to lose her heart to the woman sitting beside her. The smile remained on her face as she snuggled closer to Leah and waited for her to finish her dinner.

The End


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